Broken mind
by The Green Huntress 109
Summary: Gabriel didn't die in Hammer of the gods, but was captured and tortured for the pleasure of it. Now he is in the care of Sam. But what is Sam to do with a broken archangel? And where the hell is Dean? Meanwhile Cas deals with his fading stolen grace. set season 9ish AU.
1. Scream

**Trigger warning: Sexual, mental and emotional abuse. Don't read if you don't like these themes.**

* * *

"What's the matter?" A male demon sneered "Demon got your tongue?"  
The half naked archangel covered his head with a blood soaked wing. "Ah,ah,ah." The demon tutted and shoved an angel blade threateningly through the rusty bars. Sigils had been painted in blood to prevent him from flying away. Some blood had been from him and some from other angels that he dare not think of.

He had been told he was not the first and Gabriel had tried the first day to strangle the demon. That had ended in his night in the dark room, called so because it was pitch dark and no sound could get in or out. Sometimes Gabriel would think things were crawling over him, eating at him, scratching at the walls and tormenting him until he begged to be let out. Of course no one ever came.

The angel flinched and slowly withdrew his wings. "That's better, Gabriel." he cooed almost lovingly. "Now bend over on all fours. We're gunna have some fun." The demon grinned as he unzipped his fly.  
Gabriel shook knowing what their 'fun' meant.

Pain.

Torture.

Gabriel did as he was told. The last time he disobeyed his wing had been carefully sliced. Not enough so he couldn't use it, but enough that it left scar tissue and a reminder that they could cut them off. And with his own blade no less. That had to be the worst, that it was by his own weapon that was suppose to protect him.  
Like his brothers were suppose to.  
He wanted to cry at the memory of searing flesh splitting to make way for the blade. The feel of his blood as it oozed like a red river in it's wake.

"keep still." the demon hissed as it slid Gabriel's strip of cloth down around his ankles. The only thing he had that wouldn't mean he was completely naked, It had been the tatty remnants of his boxers. Everything else had been ripped from his body while the demons took what little dignity he had.

He hadn't realised he was shaking so badly and tried to steady himself as well as his breathing. The short huffs of pained breath would only anger his jailer and bring more abuse. Finally he brought his dirty wings to shield his tear stained face from the world and tried to think of anything except what was happening to him.

"Get away from him." a weak female voice shouted. Gabriel removed his left wing to see who had spoken.

In the cage next to him sat a very frightened young angel. Her boyish black hair stuck up in odd angles and she was obviously a new find, her clothes were hardly ripped. Her wing's also seemed unblemished by blood and other bodily fluids.

Her blue eyes held a ferocity but her frame shook in waves of fear.  
"What did you say, bitch?" The younger angel looked him in the eye.  
"I said get away from him." she stood spreading out her bluish small wings that marked her as a cupid. Gabriel would have been impressed by the courage of this cupid, not may had that sort of courage. But that was when he was an all powerful archangel, now a days he felt nothing. Only pain.

The demon smirked at her "I'll deal with you later." he turned to leer at Gabriel "After I've had him." Gabriel whimpered pathetically and did his best not to think about the abuse from the demon behind him. Rough hands grabbed and pulled hoping for a noise or scream, but Gabriel stared brokenly at his weeping sister.  
Her blue eyes watery and she tried to hid her face, tried to not break for her once great brother. Gabriel knew this, he also knew that her hope had been lost. Lost, dashed and stomped all over because if her powerful Archangel brother couldn't get out, then what chance did she have?

Gabe felt stickiness slid down his thighs and knew it was over. For now at least.  
"Good slut." the demon said letting go of the weary angel and letting him fall to the floor. Loud fear inspiring footsteps faded away, leaving Gabriel to lay crumpled and crying on his dirty, cold stone floor.

"G...Gabriel?" the angel said "Brother, are you Ok?" Gabriel nearly laughed. OK? OK? how could he have been Ok after only father knows how long he's had this torture? But of course he stayed silent. Like a good little slut.  
"I contacted Castiel before I was stuck down here. They know where we are, they'll be here any minuet." again Gabriel said nothing. He was tired of empty promises and nothing but pain, he just wanted to die. On this stinking floor surrounded by dead rats, blood and other fluids he didn't want to name. "I'm Amiel." she was met with silence "You can call me Amy if you want. I was sent to see if you were still alive, see we felt your grace a couple days ago but weren't sure if it was yours..."  
Gabriel had stopped listening, deciding to tune her out and her false hope. No one was coming for him, no one ever did.

There was a scuffle in the corridors and footsteps, so Gabriel closed his eyes tight and crawled into a ball. Hopefully if he could make himself small enough he wouldn't be noticed. In the weakened state he was in it was a struggle to pull his wings, but if they didn't see his wings they might think him a human and leave him alone to die in this stinking mess. Some might say he desurved this, Lucifer certainly thought so.

After Gabriel faked his death he appeared out side the hotel ready to announce to the Winchester's that he was in fact alive and kicking. Unfortunately Lucifer had found out his game plan, or it could have been that he knew Gabriel too well. Either way he was trapped in holy fire and two demons stood in front of him, "Looky what we got." the female demon sneered.  
"Aww, but he's got his wings Pam. Our lord won't like it." the male demon moaned and both he and Pam looked at each other with an evil smirk.  
"Well, Rich. Looks like we'll have to bind him." Of course Gabriel had scoffed and jabbed back.  
"Is this all Luci could scrap up? I'm insulted." Gabriel smirked but both Demon's had grinned unsettlingly and raised a hot poker covered in holy oil and in the shape of a sigil that would bind his powers.

Gabriel whimpered at the memory of the burning pain as his hand unconsciously traced the burnt on on his left arm.  
A hand grabbed his arm and he flinched. This was shortly accompanied by a scream, he was back. He was back and would want to further abuse him and humiliate him.

"Brother." Gabriel heard the person ask, but it wasn't the demon's harsh voice. It was gruff yes but it was safe.  
Safe.  
A word he had forgotten he knew.

Slowly he raised his head and let out another cry. Not of pain or fear, but of relief.  
"Castiel." he croaked at the blue eyed angel. His brother. His saviour.  
Cas's eyes opened wide "Gabriel?" he asked and Gabriel knew why he possibly didn't recognise him. Recently his grace had locked it's self away meaning he was basically human. Because of this he had lost a considerable amount of weight, but the worst thing was his eyes.  
Gabriel had only seen his eyes once since being here and it was so he knew how far he had fallen, more mental games he was tired of playing, but they were dull and lifeless. No more glint of mischief or the fire of passion for life lit them anymore.

They say eyes are the windows to the soul, even though he has grace it still held true to him. He was empty and dead inside.  
"Don't worry brother, I'll take you somewhere safe." Castiel said as he picked up the limp body of his brother.

Gabriel held on to his brother as Castiel carried him to safety. He wondered why they weren't flying, but soon forgot when he was placed in a car and laid gently down in the back-seat. So far he was safe.

Cas lay Gabriel carefully on the back-seat; he didn't know how much damage had been wrought on Gabriel's small, pale body, and slid in to the front seat.  
"Where we going?" Came a weak, raspy voice of Gabriel. Cas winced at how raw his brothers voice sounded. Something slid down his cheeks, a light dab and he came away with tears. His brother had been there for five years and he had not even bothered to find him, just accepting that Gabriel was dead and getting on with the apocalypse.  
Cas' shoulders shook with silent tears. Obviously he wasn't as silent as he thought "M'ok." Gabriel slurred. Cas glanced back at Gabriel to see him fall asleep.

xxx

Sam blinked. The block of text on his laptop blurred and swam as two nights of researching took it's toll. It didn't matter how much he looked, Dean was still evading him and wreaking havoc as a demon.  
With Dean gone he found the bunker uncomfortably silent. Each time Sam awoke he expected to be met with with Dean singing loudly, but only the emptiness stretched out in front of him like a dark tunnel with no end.

He needed his brother. Sam had lost everyone; Jess, Dad, Mom...Gabe. Sam tried not to think about the Archangel he had once hated. He knew now what Gabriel was trying to warn them of and his sacrifice had softened Sam's heart. Sam even thought of him as a part of team free will.

'Knock, knock'. Sam looked up from the laptop frowning at the door. 'knock, knock,knock'. the knocking sounded more urgent this time and closing his laptop Sam stood from the table. He moved cautiously as he opened the door and was ready to attack.  
Sam opened the door to find a figure holding a body in his arms standing out against the dark December night. "Cas?" Sam asked and the angel nodded as he shook the rain out of his eyes. Person lay in the falling angels arm but the form was cover in Cas' trench coat so Sam couldn't make out who it was.  
The chilly night air pricked at Sam's skin as Cas hurried past him and placed the bundle on the couch. "I'm sorry to drop in, but..." Cas said looking down as he uncovered the face of the bundle.

Sam's heart stopped.

He stared at Cas and the angel stood protectively in front of his elder brother, Gabriel, the fricken archangel.  
The dead archangel!  
He was dead. But obviously he wasn't, he was laying there sleeping with a pain filled expression and breathing heavily.  
"I know he has hurt you." Cas said evenly "but he is in need of help. And he is my brother, please Sam." Cas cranked up the puppy eyes to a whole new level "Help him."

Sam sighed "Of course I'll help him, but why bring him to me? why not your angel friends?" Sam asked not being able to take his eyes off the, seemingly frail, archangel. Gabriel looked so pale as if he hadn't seen the sun in years and his once neatly kept dirty blond hair was now greasy and curled under his chin.  
Cas sighed "Our siblings have not forgiven him yet. Some believe it his fault that we are fallen because he ran away." Cas said looking sadly at Gabriel "I'm afraid they might...hurt him." the silent 'kill' wrung out like a gong. He picked up Gabriel's wrist delicately and Sam could see a sigil burned into the pale flesh like a brand.  
"This stops him from accessing him angelic abilities." Cas said sadly.  
Sam took the wrist in his hand and examined the burn.

Suddenly Gabriel's eyes flew open wide and terrified. He let out a scream, tugging at the limb enclosed in Sam's large hand. Sam let go in surprise and Gabriel fell backwards off the couch and on to the floor; scrambling behind Cas' legs.  
"Shh, brother. It's only Sam." Cas soothed. And Gabriel whispered something to him. Cas' eyebrows drew together "Why would you be afraid of Sam?" Gabriel looked past Cas' legs to look at said hunter and whimpered.  
Sam thought it would be a good idea to stay a good distance away from the now human Archangel. "I won't hurt you. I promise." Sam said giving Gabe his most trusting face.

Gabriel gave him a blank look "That's what Lucifer said."  
The hunter felt a chill go down his back, so this was Lucifer's doing? "Gabe?" Gabriel blinked and looked at him still hiding behind Cas' legs. "Where were you? What happened?"  
Gabriel curled in on himself with a whimper. Cas bent down to be at eye level with his brother. Before he could get a word out he had his arms full of a crying archangel before he promptly passed out. Sam made to come closer but Cas shook his head "Is there somewhere he can rest?"  
Sam nodded and showed them to a guest room.

Cas closed the door behind them as they exited what was now Gabriel's room. "What happened?" Sam whispered, hoping he wouldn't wake Gabriel. Cas gave him what Dean would have called a smiting look. "He has not been dead for the last six years." Cas said and Sam suppressed a 'no kidding'. Cas pulled him to the living room and told him all he had pieced together and the state he found Gabriel in. Cas had tried to patch Gabe up the best he could and then came to the bunker.

Sam took a deep breath "So they..." he couldn't finish the sentence, how could Gabriel have lived through that? And it was all thanks to his own brother. Sam couldn't shake off the disgust that seemed to cling to him, he knew Lucifer was evil but to put his own little brother through that...  
Cas nodded sadly, the sudden movement pulled Sam from his mind.  
"Sam, I'm not quite sure where he is mentally. When he has talked to me it was almost child like." He shook his head "I could stay for a week but then I have to go." he told Sam regretfully. Sam nodded and soon their attention was caught by a high pitched shriek.

xxx

Gabriel had awoken to pitch darkness and immediately fear had pushed up and out of his throat in one long scream that hurt even his ears. His mind had screamed at being put in the dark room again where the darkness could taunt him with the empty loneliness of his life. 'No one loves you, no one cares' echoed the demon's voice in Gabriel's head.  
He pressed himself into what he thought was a corner, curling into a ball to protect himself from what ever cruel game came next.

Footsteps caused his body to shake as they grew closer. 'two sets' he thought 'there aren't normally two'.

Light flooded his eyes causing him to flinch. Arms encircled him in a warm embrace but his body did not catch what his mind had, he saw Castiel on one side speaking rapid fire enochian trying to sooth him and on the other Sam. Sam was trying to stop him from hurting them or himself with a few soft words that got drowned out by Gabriel's continuous scream. Gabriel hit out like a wild animal, and in some sense he was, his mind had that fight or flight instinct and his flight path had been blocked off by the two men.

"Shh. Gabe, It's me." arms encircled him, warm and comforting. He tried to push against Sam, crying all the while; images of hands pulling and breaking his fragile body as well as his mind until he was nothing but a mess. "Your here brother not there."  
Gabriel paused.  
His brother. Lucifer!  
Gabriel tried fighting more until his face was forced to look at another face. Big hazel eyes stared imploring at him, framed by brown hair he had a feeling wasn't that long before. "Your safe. Your with me and Cas."  
Sam? It was Sam, he came for him. Wait, no Cas did, Cas had said. He said...he said.  
"Gabriel. I'm here." Gabriel's struggles slowed as his mind caught up with him, the terrible screech ended in almost choked sob. Slowly his hand reached to rest on Sam's face, he couldn't believe that Sam was here. The real Sam. The tears slowed and stopped "Sam?" Gabriel asked shaky and unsure. Sam only nodded his head and Gabriel fell into a fit of laughter. Gabriel could barley make out Cas' face contort into a frown, probably wondering what was so funny and Sam just hugged him tighter. Gabriel's laughter ended in small sobs that racked his body and passed out in Sam's arms.


	2. chasing answers and a memory

When Gabriel awoke the next day the door was wide open and a lamp was placed upon a bedside table. He had no memory of what happened before and barley even registered when Cas had taken him away. Gabriel looked down to see his rag gone and in it's place was a pair of jeans rolled up at the bottom so he didn't trip on it and a oversized T-shirt that fell to his knees.

Gabriel sniffed the air as the sweet smell of pancakes made his stomach almost digest itself. He couldn't remember the last time he ate, so raising from the bed he followed the smell warily. He made his way through the corridors keeping close to the wall like a scared spider, making himself as small as possible when he saw the light coming from what he assumed was the kitchen. To him the warmth felt foreign after so many years being in the damp and cold, the ex-angel shied away but the promise of food drove him to sneak a peak around the door frame.

It seemed his attempt to go unnoticed had failed when Sam turned to place another pancake on a huge stack. Cas had been eating... wait, Cas was eating? Gabe's mind although supplying him with the observation wouldn't let him analyse when there was food he now needed. Gabe stared longingly at the pile of pancakes smothered in syrup just the way he liked it, mouth watering and stomach growling he couldn't look away. That was until he saw the face smiling behind the promising food, "Hey, you're up."

Gabriel's heart hammered in his chest as fear coursed through him and his eyed widened in fear that he would be punished for leaving the room. Quickly he ducked around the door frame again. His hands clutched at his chest trying to get breath into his lungs "Brother. Brother it's ok." Cas said as he cautiously walked around the door. Gabriel's hand reached out to pull Cas to him still struggling for breath, "Calm down Gabriel. Breath slowly, in through your nose out through your mouth."  
Gabe nodded frantically trying to do as Cas said "Is he ok?" Sam asked keeping his distance, which Gabe was thankful for. Gabriel began to control the breath that tried to escape his body and gave a weak nod, "He is ok for now." Cas said still staring at his elder brother with concern.  
Suddenly Gabriel's stomach rumbled.  
"Maybe you should eat something." Cas suggested with a small smile "Sam made you pancakes with lots of syrup, just the way you like it." Sam gave a smile, but Gabriel didn't say anything. He just let Cas pull him to the table and sit him on a wooden chair in front of a plate full of pancakes he assumed was for him.  
Sam went to sit next to Gabriel but seeing the man flinch went to sit on the other side of the table. Instantly Gabriel felt bad, here he was in Sam's home eating his food and using his bed. But it seemed Sam understood and didn't press the issue, of that Gabriel was grateful. Cas sat next to the broken archangel on his left side and Gabriel's left arm latched on to Cas' right hand sleeve. Cas said nothing.

"Hope you like the pancakes, it's been a while since I last made then." Sam said softly so as not to trigger another attack. Cas gave a small chuckle .  
"Yes, he burnt the first few." Gabriel stayed silent, watching Sam expectantly. Cas continued to eat his abandoned food as did Sam, but Gabriel wouldn't stop looking at him. It took Sam awhile to realise he was waiting for permission. "Uh...Gabe." Gabriel lowered his eyes in submission ""You can...uh..you can eat you know."  
Gabriel whispered a small thank you and proceeded to shove mouthful after mouthful at top speed in to his mouth.  
The sweet intoxicating syrupy substance mixed with the plain pancake burst on his tongue, like a waterfall of life it filled the hole gnawing in his stomach. How humans could do this he didn't know, but that didn't matter when his body was swimming in the bliss of warmth where the pit had been. He reached for his cup and drank like a man who'd been lost in a desert. It didn't matter that the brown liquid inside was steaming hot, it still quenched the fire burning his throat. Once done he went back to the pancakes, forgetting to use the fork in his hast, golden stickiness coated his hands.  
Faintly he heard a "Brother please, stop before you hurt yourself." but he ignored it.

Suddenly a hand touched his wrist...

Gabe leapt back, chair falling and head hitting the floor. But the pain in his skull didn't stop him as he scrambled away until his back hit a wall. Gabriel's fingers grabbed on to his hair causing the sticky syrup to glue his already greasy and matted hair, and he shielded his face with his forearms. "Please, I'm sorry, I'll be good." he chanted in a whisper.  
Warm gentile hands encircled his wrists and pulled them slowly away, Gabriel tensed but let his hands be pulled down. He looked up in to the smiling face of Sam "It's ok Gabriel. You are good, I was being stupid." Gabriel stared up at him, mouth moving to form Sam's name silently. "I'm sorry."  
Gabriel stopped and frowned, but seemed to have calmed considerably. Sam looks at Cas "He needs a shower, could you help him?" Cas nodded and took Gabriel's hand.

While Gabriel was in the shower Sam went to find clothes that fit the ex-archangel. He found some of Dean's clothes and tried to ignore the sad feeling rising in his chest at the reminder Dean was gone. He busied himself getting boxers, a brush and one of Dean's old cargo jackets knowing how he loved the damn things. Sam left the things on Gabriel's bed and left to clean up their plates.  
As he washed the dishes by hand he couldn't help wondering about Gabriel. What had they done to him to break him so badly, to make such a powerful, snarky archangel turn to a crying heap on the floor? Sam wasn't stupid and knew what some of those stains on his body and in his hair was. It made him sick to think of Gabriel begging and trying to be good just so they wouldn't hurt him. From the reaction Gabriel had from being in the same room as Sam, they must have used his image to torture him.

Anger rose at the thought of a double of himself hurting Gabriel, his hand tightened and the plate nearly cracked until he put it on the draining board.  
Suddenly the sound of humming caught his attention. Turning he followed the melancholy melody to the couch where he found cas sat on it, Gabriel in-between his legs humming as his wet hair was brushed. Every time Cas brought the brush down the crown of Gabriel's head he would push his head more into it and smile.  
Sam marvelled at the site as Gabriel started to almost purr, and Goddamnit he did not think that was cute...he didn't!  
Cas glanced up at him "It calms him." he said smiling "It's also a trust building exercise, would you like to try?" He held the brush out to him pulling a whine from Gabriel at the loss of contact. Sam nodded taking the brush.

Gabriel tensed when Castiel's weight was swapped out for Sam and he whimpered. "Shh, It's ok Gabe. It's only me." Sam whispered lightly brushing his hair. After a few strokes Gabriel was pushing in to the strokes but the tension in his shoulder didn't relax, neither did he start up his humming again.

But Sam counted it as a win.

xxx

Three days since Gabriel had been rescued and four more until Cas had to leave. Sam didn't know how Gabe would react to not having Cas around anymore, Cas had left a couple of times since his stay and Gabe had been stiff, tense. Cas had to sleep in Gabe's room or Gabe would wake screaming and he always sought confirmation that he was allowed to eat before he did. For some odd reason he always waited for Sam's ok instead of Cas. So here they were in the library; Sam researching while Gabe and Cas sat near the fire reading.

Cas looked up from his book and sighed. Closing it he looked apologetically at Gabriel "Forgive me brother, I am needed." Gabe just nodded holding up his book as if to say 'I'm occupied' and Cas smiled. Cas walked out of the library and as he passed Sam told him he'd be back soon. Sam nodded absently at him while flicking through an old journal from the men of letters archive. Sam was so engrossed in his researching he didn't hear Gabe's chair scrap against the floor to move closer to him.

But despite that the hunter still felt his presence and looked up to find Gabe looking at him, but as soon as Sam's eyes fell on his Gabe had turned his gaze to the ground. He had been getting better at being in Sam's presence but still seemed to shrink into himself or turn away if Sam looked at him in the eye.  
From the first day Cas had brought the broken Archangel to him and Gabe had screamed when Sam touched him, he knew they did something to him to make Gabe scared of Sam. It had nagged at him.

Even now it poked at his mind until Sam put down his book with a sigh and looked at Gabriel. Gabriel looked at him for a spilt second before his eyes fell to the floor. "Gabe?" Sam said watching the Archangel fidget "What happened? Why are you afraid of me?"  
Gabriel shifted away and frowned at the floor as if debating weather to say anything; Gabe hadn't said much since the first two days and Sam could feel his heart break for a creature that thrived on making chaos and talking non-stop. Gabe swallowed, opened his mouth as if to say something then shut it again.  
Sam knew he had to be patient with him, had to take things slow.

Gabe's hand went to the burned in sigil and traced it as he often did when nervous; the sigil could only be burned off and Sam didn't want to stress Gabriel out any more then he already had, they would find another way.  
Finally Gabe glanced back up to him, his voice almost a whisper when his throat worked enough to get sound out "They pretended to be you."  
Sam couldn't fathom why they would do that, "Why would they pretend to be me and Dean?" it just didn't make sense.  
Gabriel gave him a look that he then hid upon realising it; these were rare moments his old self shone through and left Sam wondered if he was faking it, but the screams at night and the way he shook when someone was too close soon dispersed those suspicions. But Sam's confusion cleared from that look "It was just me wasn't it?"

Gabriel immediately stood, holding his book against his chest as he turned and fled out of the library.  
Sam needed answers and to make sure Gabe was ok, so he to sprang from his chair and after Gabriel. He saw the look of absolute terror when Gabe glanced back to see how far Sam was to him, Sam reached out "Gabe, wait."  
Gabriel fell to the floor, book thrown at Sam and missing his mark, Gabe's shaking arms pushed him up as he scrambled to his room and locked the door.  
Sam had been distracted by the flying book at his head and had slowed enough that it allowed Gabe to get away. Dammit! He'd screwed up, he shouldn't have chased him. Gabe obviously didn't want to talk about it and Sam should have left it.

Sam lent his head against the door "Gabe." he whispered "Gabe I'm sorry." he was met with silence. Sam sighed and banged his head lightly against the door "I'll be in the library if you need me."

But Sam doubted he would.


	3. Never alone Need you here

Gabe slide down the door his back had been pressed into, a hand slapped to his mouth as he gasped through a panic attack.  
Don't think, don't think, don't think. He chanted in his head, "Gabe." Gabriel shook his head trying to shake the nightmare he had lived through away. He was an archangel, he was strong, he should not be breaking down in his room when the one person he wanted to talk to was outside his door.  
He had been saved. So why did he still feel trapped?

"Gabe I'm sorry."  
Gabe shook his head again. Sam shouldn't be sorry, it wasn't his fault Gabriel was so weak, so broken. It was his fault, he should have fought harder...shouldn't have given in so early. Gabe knew it was his fault he was arrogant thinking himself indestructible.

He wanted to open the door and tell Sam that it wasn't his fault. He wanted to sleep through the night with out bothering his brother ,who he had become too dependant on. But he knew that he would flinch at Sam's touch and cry silently through the night without his little brother.  
He heard Sam's retreating footsteps, sounding so familiar and he couldn't stop the memory about to ambush his mind...

_"Look who came to play, slut." the same male demon who had tormented him for hours sneered and banged on the bars to rouse Gabriel from his spot on the dingy floor. Weak and silent he looked up at a tall brunet with hazel eyes and long almost shoulder length hair standing in the entry of the cell. All the breath left his body. This...was it real?_  
_"S...Sam?" he was here. Gabe was safe. Sam would save him and take him away from these filthy demon's. Hope surged in Gabe's chest as he scrambled to his knees with a smile, all the naïve joy showing on his face as he watched the hunter enter his prison. He had spent too long here and his mind had started holding on to stupid things. He had even been greatful when they had thrown a scrap of cloth at him ,that barley covered hi chest, as a blanket. The joy he had felt at that was immense._

_Sam smiled but... It wasn't the way Sam usually smiled ,not that he took any notice, and it was more of a snarl than a smile. But Gabe's mind told him not to think of that and only to focus on the fact Sam was here, here to take him away and save him._  
_"Gabey." Sam mocked him with a smile, only Gabriel now knew this wasn't Sam. Sam wouldn't mock him or call him Gabey, but his desperate mind told him to shut up; this was Sam he was here to take him away and make him better._  
_"Look at the good slut on his knees." Sam laughed and his left hand gripped Gabriel's too long hair, Gabriel's face twisted and a scream forced it's way out of his tired lungs and throat. Coppery blood was on the tip of his tongue from screaming his throat raw and...others things being done to it. Sam, or should he say fake Sam, pushed him to the floor and kicked his already broken body until dark bruises bloomed on his skin and white hot sparks of pain erupted behind his eyes, fake Sam was still smiling "Where's the powerful Archangel? Nothing but a worthless slut, only thing your worth is to serve us." Gabriel cried out as fake Sam's foot crashed down on his leg..._

Gabe cried silently. He wanted Cas, he wanted Amiel. They would protect him from his own poisonous mind, he wouldn't have to be afraid anymore.  
Gabe lept up and fumbled with the door before realising it was locked, he dug in his hands in his pocket ignoring them as they shook. Finally his hand wrapped around the cold metal key to his door and the shaking stopped; his hands held the key firm and he unlocked the door.

Was Sam really gone or was he waiting for Gabriel to come out? After all Gabe needed to eat now, was that his plan?  
Shaking his head he reminded himself that Sam was safe and he was being stupid.

Slowly Gabe inched the door open until he could peak out at the empty corridor. He tried to remind himself this was the real Sam, not the fake one. The fake hurts. real Sam heals.  
"Sam?" he whispered then shook his head "Stupid, he's in the library." Gabe scolded himself as he cautiously entered the corridor.

Gabe didn't want to talk about what had happened to him, but his thoughts kept circling back to the hell he had gone through. He liked sitting with Sam, Sam was calm and peaceful despite all he had gone through and Gabe felt safe in his presence.

Well not as safe as he would like, his mind knew Sam was not going to hurt him but he still panicked when he had snuck up on him and his mind would flicker back to that moment when his hope had died.

Gabe continued his journey to the library but Sam wasn't there either.  
He started to panic. Had Sam left him because he was so broken? He shook his head, that was ridiculous. Sam wouldn't leave, this was his home.  
Suddenly his stomach made loud gurgling sound and he knew he needed to find Sam, Sam was the only one who could cook something edible. Maybe that was where he had gone, to get food.  
Gabe knew it was fucked up that he ran from Sam but when he was away from him Gabe had wanted him back. Gabe frowned at his own mind, it was a such a chaotic mess he didn't know what issue to address first so he just pushed it aside for another time.

First Sam.

xxx

"Fuck sake, what is wrong with me?" Sam growled at his reflection. Cold hard sink almost crushed underneath his tight grip, knuckles almost as white as the ghosts he hunts from the pressure he was putting on it. "You don't just grab a guy who was abused." he lowered his head. How could he have been so stupid? In his haste for an answer he had forgotten the trauma Gabriel had locked ,not so tightly, away. He knew Gabe was bottling most of it up, all the hurt and pain but he didn't know how to make it better.  
Sam snorted at himself "Yeah, when have I ever made anything better." he muttered hatefully.  
Suddenly his phone rang snapping him out of the puddle of self hate he knew he was drowning in. "Hi Cas."  
"Sam, I will be unable to get back until tomorrow. I have sent Amiel in my place." Cas stated forgoing the pleasantries.  
Sam gave a weary sigh and scrubbed at his face "Sure, I'll tell Gabe." he said opening the bathroom door. Great now he didn't have Cas to make sure Gabe was ok and stopping Sam from making things worse.  
"Um...goodbye Sam."  
"Bye Cas, wait..." but Cas had already put the phone down. Who the hell was Amiel? from the name he assumed this Amiel was another angel, why would Cas send her otherwise. Slipping his phone back in his pocket Sam decided it was time to cook, at least he could do that properly.

What he found however, was Gabe curled on the floor next to the couch. He was shaking and Sam was sure it wasn't cold, "Gabe?"  
Gabriel lifted his head and turned to look at Sam. Sam couldn't believe or understand, Gabe's eyes were puffy and red with tears dripping down his face as he looked as if he had been crying, that much was clear, but why? Sam had left him alone when Gabe had run to his room like he wanted. "You...you didn't leave." Gabe muttered still shaking, "Didn't leave me." Sam's heart nearly broke at that.  
It was getting hard to remember Gabriel as a proud trickster archangel and the dick that killed his brother over 100 ways. This creature who needed Sam even though they had tortured him with Sam's image.  
Gabe had huddled into himself as fresh tears fell "I thought...I thought." he sobbed. Sam quickly knelt beside him to offer some form of comfort for the hurting Ex-angel.  
"Gabe, can I hug you?" he asked watching Gabe's face. The ex-angel seemed to think for a minuet before nodding ad Sam enveloped him in a hug, the other man cautiously wrapped his arms around Sam as he buried his face in Sam's chest letting out a breath. "I thought you wanted me to leave you alone, I'm sorry." Sam muttered into the golden hair, that he really needed to cut for Gabe.  
"I did. I thought I did, but then...then I remembered. I'm sorry, I'm sorry...broken...useless and broken." Gabe muttered into Sam's chest and the tall hunter couldn't help but squeeze him in reassurance.  
"Hey, you hungry?" He asked the ex-angel.  
Gabe slowly nodded his head and Sam gave a small smile.

He'd help Gabe get better. They'd do it together.

* * *

**AN: Sorry it's not as long as it usually is but things came up and I haven't been able to write lately. Hope this makes up for it though, Gabe hugs anyone?**


	4. Step in to darkness

Sam watched Gabe eat his food, he ate a lot slower now than he had when he first arrived and Sam guessed it was because he felt safer. He wanted to beleive that but Gabe's eyes would dart side ways checking for enimies. Another step in the right direction was made when Sam had placed a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him, Gabe hadn't waited for Sam's permission. Gabe was still very thin despite Sam's efforts to pile his plate high with whatever they were having that day, Sam had even pulled out Dean's stash of candy. Sam knew Dean had thought he didn't know about it, but Gabe only ate the stuff if Sam offered.  
Sam had half hoped that Gabe's sugar addiction would win out over his wariness, that had been a hope that had been crushed when he saw Gabe ignoring the glass jar filled to the brim with candy.

Sam needed to find a way to pull the trickster in Gabe back out, even asshole Gabe was preferable than this. Sam was out of his depth, floating at sea without a clue what to do. Yeah he was the more open to feeling's than his brother, but Gabe was scared all the time and he didn't know how to comfort him.  
Suddenly a loud knock at the bunker door pulled Sam from his thoughts. Gabe jumped so hard his cutlery fell from his hands to clatter on the floor. "Sorry, sorry." Gabe said desperatly dropping to the ground to retreive the fallen silverware. Sam stood to go open the door and as he passed Gabe flinched as if ready for a blow. Sam tried to stop the way it stabbed at his heart, Dean had once looked at him like that. Like Sam was a monster to be feared.  
He shook the though away as he headed towards the door.

He had barley gotten the door open when a small body ducked under Sams arm and into the room. Sam cursed himself when he went to pull out his gun only to find he left it in the kitchen with Gabe. "Sorry, I thought something was following me." The nervouse girl squeaked, her arm's up to sheild her self. "I'm Amiel, Castiel sent me." Sam gave the small angel a once over. Her eyes were almost the same as Cas' and her hair just as dark. Sam realised that they should have had a password or something so he knew if he could trust her or not.  
But Gabe soon solved that.

"Amy?" Amiel looked over to where Gabe had been kneeling only a few minuets earlier, the cutlery was gone and he was walking towards them. Amiel's eyes landed on his face. "Brother, it's good to see you are fine." she said and actually sounded like she meant it. She looked torn between hugging the ex-angel and letting him have his space, finally she settled for a "How are you?"  
Gabe looked down at himself "I'm alive." Amiel or Amy gave a nod as if she expected that answer.  
"Me too."  
Silence overtook them again. Sam found their interaction interesting, Gabe didn't seem to shake, had no problem talking with her and could look her in the eye alot longer than he could Sam before he had glanced away.  
It hurt. It hurt that Gabe wasn't comfortable with him but he was a complete stranger.

Sam coughed "Well, um Amy." Amy nodded to him, "Make yourself at home." Sam gave her an awkward smile and sat on the couch, flicking on the Tv he pretended to watch until both of them sat down. Gabe sat next to Amy with a slight gap between them at first, as he relaxed Gabe had lent on the Angel at first then lay his head in her lap as she stroked his hair.  
It was the most peacful Sam had seen the man since Cas had first turned up at his door. And he couldn't help but like this Angel who brought peace to Gabe. What he really wanted was to ask her if she knew what happened to Gabe and if she would be willing to share that information. The problem with outright asking was that Gabe might be sent in to a panic attack because it. So Sam stayed silent and carried on watching TV distractedly.  
Soon Amy spoke "You want to ask me something." She stated and Sam looked at her, damn angels and mind reading. Amy turned pink "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be intrusive." She apologised quickly.

Sam gave her a smile "It's fine, but yes I do have questions." Amy seemed to have calmed at that, her tense shoulders relaxing as she smiled shyly.  
"Go ahead. Ask away."  
"What...what happened? To him?" Sam looked at her expectantly, but the angel couldn't meet his eye. Her hands were shaking and Sam suddenly regretted asking her. He was about to tell it was fine, that she didn't have to tell him anything but her whisper caught his attention.  
"So many things. I was taken by them too, that's how I found him." She looked up at Sam with tear filled eyes "What they did..." she trailed off to muffle a sob. Sam felt like a jackass, but how was he to know she was taken too? nether the less he felt like a jackass.  
Amy shook her head as if shaking away the memories and stroked Gabe's hair with a shaking hand. "We had felt a burst of grace so powerful that it must have been an archangel, not only that it felt like Gabriel. It was like... well it's hard to explain what another angels grace feels like but they are all different. I was sent to investigate, but uh I wasn't careful enough." Amy blushed "I got caught. And being a cupid I couldn't fight, sorta not made for that." She suddenly grew solemn and looked down at Gabe "He was there far longer than me. Six years if I remember correctly. I was was there for about two days. He wouldn't talk to me, I don't think he knew I was there." Her voice turned hard and she shook "They used him. In the most humiliating way, they hurt him." Angry tears made their way down her face and Sam lent forward to pat her knee in sympathy. Amy then went on to tell him of the things she had seen Gabriel subjected to since her capture. Not once did she mention what they had done to her, but Sam could seen it had effected her. The nervous behaviour and paranoia was evidence of this.

Some of the things she had told him they had done to Gabe made him feel sick and at certain points he nearly threw up. How could he have survived that, if it was anybody else they would be more of a mess than Gabriel was. Somehow this ex angel had held himself together. And he was still continuing to do so.  
Sam could relate, he himself had gone through something similar when he fell in the cage with two pissed archangels.  
Amy gave a watery smile "He really is strong." she told Sam proudly.  
And Sam couldn't help but agree.  
Gab is strong and brave.

* * *

**Sooooo sorry this is late but I've been studying. Thank you to **Bhuete, guest1982, Tiarna **and** Tashie2 **for their reviews. thank you so much, this chapter has been hard because of school but finally it's done. Actually this was done about a month ago but I wrote it on paper so then I had to write on my laptop... anyway hope you enjoyed :)**


	5. reaper of the innocent

Gabe knew he was asleep. He always knew, the feeling of floating in liquid gave it away. He was almost certain he was aware of the feeling because this whole sleeping thing wasn't meant for him in the beginning, like his alive status. Gabriel believed whole heartedly that he should be dead for not only what he did, but for the simple fact it would have been easier for everyone. It wasn't fair for Sam to have to share his home and take care of him while his brother was out there, Cas shouldn't have to stay in his bed just for Gabriel to feel safe, and Amy should certainly not be cuddling or soothing him when he had had a bad dream.

Gabe pushed the thoughts from his mind as he enjoyed the feeling of nothing for a change. The dream was nice even if it was fake; Sam leaned against Gabe as they watched the TV screen, the ex angel gave a contented sigh and pushed himself harder against the hunter.  
If he let his mind wander he could almost believe this was real, where he could sit beside the hunter and not have to worry about having a panic attack. That was until...

"Little slut."

Gabe jumped up straight, a cold feeling slowly spread through his body as he realised who the voice belonged to.

"You know better then to run away, pet."

He tried desperately to move, but the owner of the voice seemed to have frozen him. He tried to make a noise to warn Sam, but the human continued to watch the screen. He didn't move even when the reason Gabe's heart thumped wildly appeared in front of them.

It smiled at Gabriel as it raised it's clawed hand, "This is why you are so happy?" it hummed as it pointed at Sam. It then trailed the claw down Sam's face and traced a line across his neck, "I told you before, pet. You don't deserve to be happy." And with that it slit Sam's throat from ear to ear.

It laughed while Gabriel watched in frozen horror at the youngest Winchester choked on his own blood and painted the floor red.

The thing leaned toward Gabe, until it almost touched him, "I will find you, I will take you back. But not before I let you watch him die, along with those two weak angels you so love." finally the spell had been broken at the last words were snarled at the ex angel. Gabriel instantly let out a scream.

Amy let out a screech when Gabe all but threw her off him, she had been curled around him as he slept. Her landing was all but graceful and Gabe felt sorry after the wave of relief washed over him, this was quickly revived when he remembered Sam.

He lept from the bed and raced down the corridor and through Sam's door before the hunter had registered a threat. Sam braced for impact, hand ready to grab his knife when the opportunity arose.

Gabe grabbed Sam's face and gently pushed his head up to look at his neck. "Gabe?"

Gabriel sagged when he saw no sliced skin or reddened clothes and wrapped his arms around the man.

Sam said nothing else, but he did hug Gabe back as if his life depended on it. Amy appeared in the doorway, looking ruffled and vaguely ill, "Is he...is he Ok?"

Sam shrugged as much as he could with his arms full of a now sobbing Gabriel. Sam rubbed circles into his back and attempted to comfort the distraught man, Sam had been sitting on the bed and almost chocked when Gabe slowly crawled to lay beside him. Gabriel was seeking comfort from Sam for the first time since Cas brought him home.

"Gabe, are you Ok?" He whispered, smaller man shook his head. Silence blanketed them for a few more minuets, "Wanna talk about it?" another head shake.

Amy slowly stepped into the darkened room and switched on the table lamp, the ex-angels shoulders seemed the relax as the soft light bathed him in a muted orange. Carefully Amy lowered herself on the other side of Gabe, she squeaked when Gabe instantly wrapped an arm around her. His arm bent at a weird angle under him as he tried to keep both Sam and Amy close to him, he let out a stuttered breath and relaxed fully. Amy had been pulled face first on to the bed, but dared not move as Gabe's breath evened out.

Neither Sam nor Amy dared to speak and tried their best to sleep too.

It was that same night Sam had had been contacted by a fellow hunter. There was a lead on Dean, apparently a demon had been bragging about watching the oldest Winchester - and knight of hell - nearly beat a guys face in. From the limited resources Sam had, he knew the fiery pits of hell were abuzz with the news or their new knight.

But a small ball of guilt settled in the man's gut when he thought of leaving the recovering Gabriel behind. He had seen how the ex-angel had dealt with his belief that Sam had up and left him, what would he do if he knew for sure the younger Winchester was not in the vicinity? Not only that but only a couple hours after his panic filled post nightmare freak out.

It could be argued that Amy was right here and she would call if he was needed. But she was just as easy to panic as Gabriel was, her fear of the door being closed as well as loud noises proved that.

But this was Dean, who gave up his childhood for him.

They were both asleep, so if he was quick he would be back before either of them knew he was gone. Again there was the problem of one of them waking before he was back, and he really didn't know how long this would take.

But it was Dean, who had made sure that every Christmas Sam would get a present.

Besides, Amy was another angel and wasn't used to torture Gabriel. Surely she would have better luck calming the jittery man than Sam could, she had done it before when Gabriel had fallen asleep on her.

Because this was Dean. The father John never was and the only reason Sam had lived this long. If not for his brother then the younger Winchester would have died a long time ago, maybe even in the fire that killed their Mom.

And it was because of Dean that Sam wrote a hasty note before scooping up the keys to a borrowed – stolen – pick-up and proceeded to continue his quest to get his brother back.

The bunker was impenetrable anyway, right?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They say when something is wrong you wake with a start. But that's not how Gabriel awoke, still wrapped in the arms of Amy. It was nice to wake up to the feeling of family, as Amy slept with her grace also encircling Gabriel. The ex-angel, despite not having his grace intact, could feel how cracked and charred her grace was. It seemed to be healing, but it was still a testament to her horror filled days with him next to his cell.

But that wasn't what woke him, and neither was it the usual nightmares that Amy seemed to have spared him from this time.

No it was more like an emptiness, like something that was there before had gone. For some reason his mind jumped to Sam, thinking the hunter was in trouble. But there was no evidence of that, he had only just woken up and it wasn't to screaming. Both from him or another person.

Despite this he decided to leave him exhausted recovering sister to sleep and investigate this strange disturbance. A disturbance in the force you might say.  
Gabe gave a small smile before he ducked his head, his eyes scanned the room to make sure no one was going to punish him. He then slowly pried himself out of the grasp of his younger sister and slowly realised where he was.

Sam's room.

It all came back to him, the nightmare, seeing Sam safe, and falling asleep with both cupid and hunter by his sides.

Panic instantly set in when he registered the empty spot where a certain gigantor should be asleep. Gabe jumped from the bed, waking Amy in his terrified state, and ran to the kitchen in case Sam had wanted to get breakfast. He almost collapsed in sobs when he saw the empty room, and all other rooms he had pasted had been just as empty. Amy quickly sat her brother on a chair and pulled the yellowed note from the fridge.

"Gabe, Amy.

Gone out. Be back soon, don't leave the bunker.

-Sam"

Amy finished as she smiled at Gabe, "See he's fine, just gone out for a bit. So there's no need to worry, brother." Her cheery attitude had no affect on the look of horror growing across his face.

Again he was on his feet and this time racing for the door with a screach of, "He'll kill him!"

Though when he finally flung the door open he froze.

"Hello, Pet."


End file.
